The Undercover Mother_A laugh-out-loud romantic comedy about love, friendship and parenting Read online

  Antonia stayed silent and drank her wine.

  Gail didn’t look remotely heartbroken. ‘These things happen.’ She slipped off a black jacket and exchanged it for a glass of wine from Dan, who scuttled straight back to the safety of the kitchen.

  ‘And we haven’t even seen him,’ said Naomi, as Gail sat down next to her. It felt a bit insensitive for Naomi to say that out loud, even if it was pretty much exactly what Jenny was thinking.

  ‘And now we won’t,’ chipped in Antonia.

  ‘No.’ Gail stared at her. ‘You won’t.’

  Well, there went any chance of Gail opening up and telling them the gory details. But now, Jenny had a more urgent agenda. ‘Perhaps I might have something to take your mind off Joe for a while.’ She smiled hopefully at all three of them. ‘What do you think about a girls’ weekend in Brighton on expenses?’

  They all looked surprised. ‘Have you just thought of that?’ asked Gail.

  ‘Not exactly,’ said Jenny. ‘The thing is, I’ve been offered my old job back, writing “Girl About Town” again.’

  ‘Your single girl column? That’s great!’ Naomi patted Jenny’s leg. ‘You must be really pleased.’

  ‘Yes, it is great. But I don’t know whether to take it. They need me to start almost immediately and I’m still not sure about going back to work yet.’

  ‘Why are you unsure, darling?’ asked Antonia. ‘I thought you loved it?’

  ‘I do. I did. It’s just I’m not sure how I’ll fit it around Henry. I used to do pretty unsociable hours. Anyway, to help me make up my mind, I’ve suggested to my editor that I write a guest column about a girls’ weekend in Brighton. I’ll see how I get on with that and go from there. What do you think? Are you happy to be my temporary crew for the weekend?’ She crossed her fingers behind her back.

  ‘Yeah! That would be great fun,’ said Naomi. ‘I love the seaside. Daisy loves the beach, too.’

  ‘Ah.’ Jenny had assumed they would know it didn’t include the babies. ‘I meant just us. It’s only one night. Come on, Naomi. You deserve a night off.’

  ‘Count me in.’ Antonia raised her wine glass. ‘The nanny can do an overnight.’

  Jenny looked at Naomi. ‘Please?’

  Naomi looked uncertain. ‘I’ll have to talk to John about it, and I will need to express my milk while I’m away, but… it would be nice to have a night off.’

  ‘Great.’ Jenny was relieved. ‘I’ve spoken to Ruth already and she said she’ll come. She’ll be here soon.’ She glanced at her watch and then turned to Gail. ‘What about you?’

  ‘Why not?’ Gail scrolled through the calendar on her mobile. ‘The next few weekends I’m pretty free.’

  ‘Free and single, apparently,’ murmured Antonia.

  Jenny glanced at Gail. She needed to keep the peace until she had them on the train to Brighton. Thankfully, John appeared to distract them.

  ‘Sorry to interrupt. Henry has woken up so I thought I’d come and get Daisy to play with him.’ He took her from Naomi’s lap, pecking Naomi on the cheek as he did so.

  After he’d left the room, Antonia turned her attention to Naomi. ‘You and John seem okay—?’

  ‘Do we?’ Naomi shrugged. ‘It’s a bit more complicated than it looks.’ She glanced at Gail.

  ‘Really?’ asked Jenny. ‘In what way?’ What had Naomi told Gail that she wasn’t sharing with the rest of them?

  For once, Naomi wasn’t forthcoming with information. ‘It’s too soon to say anything. When I know for sure, I’ll tell you all. I promise.’

  Antonia was more interested in the weekend away. ‘What have you got planned for us in Brighton then, darling?’

  ‘Whatever you fancy doing, really. I’ll look into hotels and restaurants. We need to go as soon as possible. I need enough time to write the article and submit it to my boss.’ In fact, it was going to be articles. Plural. But no need to tell them about that yet.

  There was a flurry of diaries and mobiles until finally they worked out a date that they could all commit to. Jenny’s mobile rang. It was Ruth.

  ‘I’m not going to make it.’

  ‘Oh, no, everyone was looking forward to seeing you. Are you okay?’ Jenny left the others discussing what clothes they would need to pack and walked into the hallway, pulling the door closed behind her.

  ‘Not really. I got my period this morning.’

  ‘Oh, Ruth. I’m sorry.’

  ‘It’s okay. I wasn’t expecting things to happen immediately. Or at all.’ Ruth laughed hollowly. ‘I just don’t feel up to an afternoon with babies.’

  ‘I understand. Of course you don’t. We’ll catch up soon, anyway. And I have a date for you for our weekend trip to Brighton. A month from today. The other three are up for it, too. It’ll just be babes, booze and no babies. It’ll do us all good.’

  ‘I’m not sure, Jen. I think I’ll put a downer on the weekend for you all. What if I’m feeling like this? I’m not much fun at the moment.’

  ‘You won’t put a downer on it. Look, let’s book it and if you feel like you don’t want to come when we get to it, you can pull out. If you do come, I think we should be in for some interesting conversations. There have been a few developments today already.’

  Before she returned to the living room, Jenny popped into the kitchen and wrote the date for the Brighton weekend on the calendar. Dan and John were sitting at the kitchen table, each with a baby.

  ‘Get used to that, boys. One month today and you’ll be fending for yourselves.’

  Which meant she had one month, one weekend and one humdinger of an ‘Undercover Mother’ article. This had to work.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Packing to go away has been trickier than I anticipated. The clothes I bought with Posh have been dressed up and down to within an inch of their lives over the last four months, and I am NOT buying anything else when I will be two dress sizes smaller soon. Yes, I will.

  I’ve also looked longingly at my pre-birth bikinis, but I don’t think the good people of Brighton are ready to see me in a two-piece. I don’t want people running out of their houses with brooms and hoses to keep me wet until they can throw me back in.

  It’s also the first time in over six months that I’ve packed a bag which doesn’t contain nappies or baby wipes. You’d think that would make me happy, wouldn’t you?...

  From ‘The Undercover Mother’

  * * *

  Clothes had been chosen, the bag was packed and Jenny was ready to go. She just needed to leave the house. To leave Henry.

  ‘Are you sure you’re going to be okay? I can still cancel if you don’t want me to leave you on your own overnight.’ This was harder than she’d thought it would be.

  ‘Nice try, coward. We’re looking forward to a boys-only night, aren’t we, Henry?’ Dan picked up the remote control and changed the programme to Ice Road Truckers.

  Jenny still didn’t move. ‘Thanks for letting me go this weekend. For looking after Henry, I mean.’

  ‘You do realise he’s fifty per cent mine, don’t you? I’m not sure you should be praising me for looking after my own son.’

  Jenny studied Dan closely. ‘You will remember to feed him, won’t you?’

  ‘Stop worrying about us and worry about how you’re going to stop Gail and Antonia from killing each other before you even get there.’

  He had a fair point. The two of them barely managed to avoid sniping at each other on a two-hour play date; a whole weekend in each other’s company might well end in one of them pushing the other into the English Channel.

  When Gail had found out that they would be staying in a house that belonged to one of Antonia’s friends, she had tried to pull out altogether.

  ‘Why can’t we just stay in a hotel?’ she had asked over the phone.

  ‘Because Antonia’s friend offered and this will be free,’ explained Jenny. ‘Plus, it will be nicer to have a bit of space to hang out in all together, rather than be in separ
ate rooms. Apparently the house is huge.’

  ‘I bet it is. Another Yummy Mummy palace. It’ll be all Cath Kidston and Le Creuset.’

  In the end, Gail had given in. But not before making Jenny promise on Henry’s life that she would not have to share a room with Antonia.

  ‘They’ve hardly seen each other lately, so maybe they’ll be all right,’ Jenny said to Dan now. She wasn’t as confident as she sounded, but she was more worried that Ruth might be regretting saying that she would come. She had been rather bullied into it. ‘Have you spoken to David recently? Did he say that Ruth was still okay about coming?’

  ‘Yeah, I think so. I spoke to him last week once I found out that you’d kindly arranged for the men to spend this afternoon at Geoff’s place. Thanks for that, by the way.’

  Jenny held up her hands. She had been as surprised as Dan when Antonia had suggested it. ‘He invited you all, not me. And don’t forget to ask the questions I gave you whilst you’re there. It might make for a good blog – “The Father’s View”.’

  Dan looked at her levelly. ‘Don’t use me as your mole. Now, go and meet your friends. We’ve got ice trucks to watch.’

  Jenny stayed where she was. ‘Don’t forget his dinners. It’s not like when he was a baby and you could just give him milk. You have to feed him proper food now.’

  ‘Oh, so that’s what the tiny space-age pots in the fridge labelled “breakfast”, “lunch” and “dinner” are. I thought we were expecting an astronaut to come and stay. That’s rather disappointing.’

  ‘And don’t forget his nap.’

  ‘Jen, I have looked after him before. Anyway, it’ll be good practice for me. If you go back to your column, we’ll be on our own most Friday and Saturday nights.’

  Her stomach did its recently familiar lurch. And not with excitement.

  * * *

  The house was in a private mews set just back from the main seaside road. Looking like something from a Jane Austen novel, it had three floors, plus a basement with its own front door. Jenny envisaged herself wearing a long dress, taking a turn around the drawing room.

  ‘It was so kind of your friend to let us stay here, Antonia. How do you know her?’

  ‘We’re old school friends. She’s away all summer and said I’m welcome to use the house whilst she’s away.’ Antonia’s high-heeled shoes clicked as she walked up the steps to the glossy black front door and unlocked it. ‘She lets the basement out as a holiday let, but we’re staying in the main house.’ Antonia pushed open the front door. ‘There are three double bedrooms to choose from. I’ll take the one at the top, which is my friend’s room. The rest of you can fight it out as to who’s sharing with whom.’

  * * *

  Naomi emptied her rucksack onto the bed in the room she was sharing with Jenny. Jenny would have preferred to share with Ruth, but if she was going to find out what Naomi was keeping secret – what it was about her relationship with John that was ‘more complicated’ than it looked – then she needed to get her on her own.

  ‘Antonia was quick to bags a room to herself,’ Naomi said.

  Whenever there was a disagreement between Gail and Antonia, Naomi seemed to side with Gail. There were a lot of knowing looks exchanged between them. Jenny was getting a little bored with keeping the peace. ‘Well, it is her friend’s house. Maybe her friend asked her to stay in her room alone?’

  ‘Maybe. Or maybe she’s too good to share with one of us.’ Naomi picked up a framed photograph that was on the dressing table. ‘What a fabulous house, though. It must be great to live here all the time. I love the sea. It reminds me of happier times.’

  Naomi had an irritating tendency towards the dramatic. Jenny had to remind herself that Naomi’s life was a little difficult right now. Be kind. ‘Things still not good? Does John know that you’re thinking about moving back with your parents?’

  Naomi took a deep breath. ‘There’s been a bit of a development.’

  ‘Oh? Good or bad?’

  ‘I’m not sure I have the answer to that.’ Naomi turned to look around the room. ‘Where do you think we should put our clothes?’ She reached into her rucksack to pull out her last few things.

  Was she seriously dragging this out? Was she leaving John or not? ‘Naomi. Stop for a minute. What do you mean?’

  Naomi sighed, sat down on the bed and looked at Jenny. ‘I’m pregnant.’

  Now, that was a surprise.

  Jenny sank down onto the opposite bed. ‘What?’

  ‘Yep. Took a test the day before we came to your house. It was an accident. I still don’t think it’s really sunk in.’

  Jenny was amazed that John and Naomi had the energy to have sex often enough to get pregnant by accident. Again. This girl’s fertility was a medical marvel. ‘Does John know?’

  Naomi shook her head. ‘No. I think he knows that something is up because he’s been super attentive lately. But I want to decide what I’m going to do first.’ She got up from the bed, opened a drawer in the bedside cabinet and scooted her clothes inside. ‘That’s me done. I’m going to head downstairs, are you coming?’ She walked over to the door and reached for the handle.

  Jenny was still reeling. ‘Don’t you want to talk about this?’

  Naomi shook her head. ‘No. I really don’t. This weekend I don’t even want to think about it. Please don’t say anything to the others either, will you? Well, Gail knows, but she knows I don’t want to talk about it.’ She opened the door. ‘I’ll see you downstairs in a minute.’

  Jenny certainly hadn’t been expecting that news. And what did Naomi mean about deciding what she was going to do?

  One thing Jenny hoped fervently was that Naomi meant what she said about not telling the others. This was the last thing Ruth needed to hear right now.

  * * *

  ‘This settee feels like heaven! You must come and sit here.’ Naomi was strewn across the couch, talking to Gail in the opposite chair, as Jenny joined them. ‘This woman – Amanda, is it? I want her life.’

  ‘I wonder what she’s like.’ Gail picked up a picture of the owner of the house and her happy-looking children from one of the side tables. ‘She looks around our age, yours and mine, I mean, Jenny. Although she had her children a lot younger.’

  ‘Sometimes I wish I had.’ Jenny sat next to Naomi. ‘I’m absolutely knackered. Maybe this would have been a lot easier if I were a few years younger like you, Naomi. Or more. What’s the optimum age for your body to have children – sixteen or something?’ She made a mental note to speak to some younger mums for the blog, and see if they did have more energy. And then remembered that she might not be writing it any more.

  ‘Bloody hell, I couldn’t have had children at sixteen,’ said Gail. ‘I could barely decide what colour eyeshadow to wear at that age. And Stephen Harris was definitely not father material.’

  ‘Who was Stephen Harris?’ Naomi sat up.

  ‘My boyfriend then. Although he was seventeen and drove a moped. Very cool.’ Gail nodded her head at the memory. ‘I can’t quite imagine him changing a nappy, though.’

  Jenny smiled. ‘People from our past grew up too, you know. He won’t still be seventeen, this Stephen Harris. He could be married with a whole army of little Harris juniors.’

  Gail shuddered at the thought. ‘I wonder if they all pick their nose and wipe it under the seat of their moped.’

  Ruth joined them. ‘I’d love to meet the woman that owns this house.’ She perched on the arm of the sofa beside Naomi.

  ‘That’s funny, we were just saying that,’ said Jenny.

  ‘She’s got certificates up in the bathroom, mostly awarded to her kids by the look of them – cycling proficiency, swimming and horse riding, that sort of thing. Then she’s got a couple for herself – pole dancing and burlesque.’

  ‘I’ve done that for an article,’ said Jenny. ‘It’s good fun.’

  ‘It must be great, getting to try new things for free,’ said Naomi. ‘Have you started g
athering material for your “Girl About Town” article? I’m so excited that we’re all going to be in it. I’ve never been in print before!’

  All three of them were looking at her expectantly.

  Jenny took a deep breath.

  Antonia entered, waving a bottle of wine. ‘Anyone for a drink?’

  Jenny breathed out. ‘I’ll get the glasses.’

  Ruth followed Jenny to the kitchen, found a long glass and filled it with water. ‘Only a very small wine for me, thanks. If I don’t pace myself, you’re going to be tucking me up in bed by eight thirty.’

  ‘How are you feeling generally?’

  ‘Up and down.’ Ruth lowered her voice to barely a whisper. ‘Nothing has happened yet. Not that I expected it to, but, you know. This time we know what we’re facing. Each month you do the stupid test and you get your hopes up.’

  Jenny squeezed her arm. ‘It’ll happen Ruth, I just know it will.’

  ‘What’s the hold up with the glasses?’ called Antonia.

  * * *

  Everyone had a glass in their hand. All five of them in the same room for the first time since the babies had been born and, after the monumental effort it had taken to get them all there, Jenny hoped it was going to be worth it. This had to work.

  ‘Well done for organising us, darling.’ Antonia patted Jenny’s knee. ‘It’ll be nice to have some uninterrupted conversations.’

  ‘I’m not sure I remember how to have a proper conversation.’ Naomi tucked her knees into her linen top, her bare feet poking out at the bottom.

  When they first met, there’d been Antenatal Sally and her fabulous ice breakers. But Jenny wasn’t about to suggest they balance halfway up the wall whilst pretending to time a contraction. And with Ruth there, their talk mustn’t wander to the children. ‘Why don’t we go out for a few hours?’

  ‘That sounds like a good plan. I’d love a walk along the beach,’ said Naomi.